Deleted my post about the sexual harassment I'd received on Fedi, because it was driving more sexual harassment toward me.
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@alex02 @vkc
Alex, with all compassion, you're being an idiot here. I'm not saying that you don't have a valid point, but frfr don't thread-jack someone else's post to make it about yourself. And as a dude, really truly don't thread-jack discussions about bad men behaving badly to be about yourself; there is no scenario where you come out of that looking like anything other than a bad man behaving badly. -
@vkc holy shit, why do assholes feel the need to come out of the swamp! so sorry you (and everyone else) have had to undure that kind of crap
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@vkc okay, how to take responsibility for fedi culture. Hmm. Sure can look for it and push back, if I happen to see it at the right time, but that seems minimal.
I wonder if anyone has tried setting up a honeypot for sexual harassment? -
@vkc sorry you have to deal with that shit. Dudes need to be better. You shouldn't have to put up with the extra BS just because you're a woman on the internet.
If I see I will do my best to call it out. Too much happens in places I can't see which I think is one of the few flaws Masto has. Not sure how to fix that tho. But if I can help I will.
@Sablebadger @vkc every man can fight this. talk openly about being held accountable. hold each other accountable publicly and privately. build community actively intolerable to abuse. it's not a mystery.
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Deleted my post about the sexual harassment I'd received on Fedi, because it was driving more sexual harassment toward me.
Y'all want women on Fedi? Fight that shit. I can't do it for you.
@vkc trying. I wish there was a way to flag this stuff so friends and allies could call it out and make it much more unpleasant for the perpetrators than for the victim. Consequences are needed!
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And keep in mind: some men will just be monsters. No amount of social pressure or calling out will work on them as they keep making those remarks
In those instances - ostracize them from your life, and warn others. Do not accept them as "quirky but harmless". Because it will escalate, and will draw in others. That will prompt "but he says it, and it's accepted so I should be able to say it as well"
> Silence now is implied endorsement later.
@Aprazeth @moondog548 @alice @vkc it's all men who need to make habits of it, not women.
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@vkc My crew is working on it. Culturally, we are training to call out and effectively moderate (banning, blocking, defederating) and figuring out 'financing' of who does it and hours required of manual moderation w/volunteers.
Structurally, there's common sexism/problem phrases that are just stupidly common, a pre-filter for all posts containing known BS, expanding on any emergent phrasing case-by-case
PSA channels with zero commenting for local civics also on the drawing board.
Thoughts?
@RandyHughesKing @vkc willing to do better collective actions in private and public. now
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@vkc men, do better.
Be a man in the internet. Talk about what you like. Cars, weather, trains, sports. See how the replies are on topic.
Be a woman on the internet. Talk about what you like.
Cars, weather, trains, sports. See the replies talking about your boobs. See the DMs filled with, "hey baby", and unsolicited dick pics.If you are a man, you won't see most - or any! - of what women experience daily online. That doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Your just in a safe little bubble of privilege. Own it, and do better.
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@vkc men, do better.
Be a man in the internet. Talk about what you like. Cars, weather, trains, sports. See how the replies are on topic.
Be a woman on the internet. Talk about what you like.
Cars, weather, trains, sports. See the replies talking about your boobs. See the DMs filled with, "hey baby", and unsolicited dick pics.If you are a man, you won't see most - or any! - of what women experience daily online. That doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Your just in a safe little bubble of privilege. Own it, and do better.
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Deleted my post about the sexual harassment I'd received on Fedi, because it was driving more sexual harassment toward me.
Y'all want women on Fedi? Fight that shit. I can't do it for you.
@vkc Yikes, that definitely ain't right.
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Deleted my post about the sexual harassment I'd received on Fedi, because it was driving more sexual harassment toward me.
Y'all want women on Fedi? Fight that shit. I can't do it for you.
@vkc Who did these things? I'll fight em too.
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@rebuscarla @vkc I didn't learn how to "do the patterns" whatever that means.
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Deleted my post about the sexual harassment I'd received on Fedi, because it was driving more sexual harassment toward me.
Y'all want women on Fedi? Fight that shit. I can't do it for you.
@vkc I’m sorry you had to endure that. I will call it out when I see it.
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Deleted my post about the sexual harassment I'd received on Fedi, because it was driving more sexual harassment toward me.
Y'all want women on Fedi? Fight that shit. I can't do it for you.
@vkc Unfortunately, the scuzzbuckets are good at hiding.
The Internet is very convenient for people interested in asymmetric harassment.
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@vkc Moderation is a difficult problem to solve. Whenever I see content that is unwelcome (sexual harassment is at the top of that list), I report it, but not once have I received notice that anything has been done based on those reports.
On top of that, reporting bad actors is reactive and does nothing to undo the harassment that occurred.
Seems like the only approach that works is to loudly and publicly name & shame harassers. But that opens up another can of worms.
Ugh.
@Legit_Spaghetti @vkc it's not difficult. It depends on your instance. Moderation works very well on my instance. Whenever I report something it's either gone or dealt with otherwise.
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@eq "don't let the idiots get you" - do you see how that puts it on me?
I trust you mean well, but respectfully: no. The correct response is "men should fight back when they see this amongst themselves."
It isn't my responsibility to "not let them get me down." It's men who need to step up and fight this battle.
@vkc Sadly it'S always on you. Or me when I am the target. I am the only person I can change. I can change to become less of a dick to others, yes. But I can not change others to become less of a dick. And even if I manage for every one I change there are 5 new ones popping up.
So the only thing that is left is change my way of interacting with shite.
Is that mansplaining? Perhaps. Is it stating the obvious? Probably. Is it learned the hard way? For sure!
/cc @eq
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@vkc Sadly it'S always on you. Or me when I am the target. I am the only person I can change. I can change to become less of a dick to others, yes. But I can not change others to become less of a dick. And even if I manage for every one I change there are 5 new ones popping up.
So the only thing that is left is change my way of interacting with shite.
Is that mansplaining? Perhaps. Is it stating the obvious? Probably. Is it learned the hard way? For sure!
/cc @eq
@vkc And it is for sure why we can't have nice things.
Because there's always a dick around the corner.
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@vkc And it is for sure why we can't have nice things.
Because there's always a dick around the corner.
@vkc "To summarize the summary of the summary: People are a problem"
Douglas Adams
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I ixi@mastodon.online shared this topic
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@vkc Sadly it'S always on you. Or me when I am the target. I am the only person I can change. I can change to become less of a dick to others, yes. But I can not change others to become less of a dick. And even if I manage for every one I change there are 5 new ones popping up.
So the only thing that is left is change my way of interacting with shite.
Is that mansplaining? Perhaps. Is it stating the obvious? Probably. Is it learned the hard way? For sure!
/cc @eq
@heiglandreas @vkc @eq No. You can intervene and talk to other people just like I'm doing now. You're not the only person you can change. If you were outside on the street with your significant other and I'd call them names, wouldn't you speak up? Do the same for people you don't know.
Society does not work if we deny our power to change things.
