Deleted my post about the sexual harassment I'd received on Fedi, because it was driving more sexual harassment toward me.

@moondog548 @alice @vkc

And keep in mind: some men will just be monsters. No amount of social pressure or calling out will work on them as they keep making those remarks

In those instances - ostracize them from your life, and warn others. Do not accept them as "quirky but harmless". Because it will escalate, and will draw in others. That will prompt "but he says it, and it's accepted so I should be able to say it as well"

> Silence now is implied endorsement later.

@vkc My crew is working on it. Culturally, we are training to call out and effectively moderate (banning, blocking, defederating) and figuring out 'financing' of who does it and hours required of manual moderation w/volunteers.

Structurally, there's common sexism/problem phrases that are just stupidly common, a pre-filter for all posts containing known BS, expanding on any emergent phrasing case-by-case

PSA channels with zero commenting for local civics also on the drawing board.

Thoughts?

@vkc men, do better.

Be a man in the internet. Talk about what you like. Cars, weather, trains, sports. See how the replies are on topic.

Be a woman on the internet. Talk about what you like.
Cars, weather, trains, sports. See the replies talking about your boobs. See the DMs filled with, "hey baby", and unsolicited dick pics.

If you are a man, you won't see most - or any! - of what women experience daily online. That doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Your just in a safe little bubble of privilege. Own it, and do better.

@vkc men, do better.

Be a man in the internet. Talk about what you like. Cars, weather, trains, sports. See how the replies are on topic.

Be a woman on the internet. Talk about what you like.
Cars, weather, trains, sports. See the replies talking about your boobs. See the DMs filled with, "hey baby", and unsolicited dick pics.

If you are a man, you won't see most - or any! - of what women experience daily online. That doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Your just in a safe little bubble of privilege. Own it, and do better.

Deleted my post about the sexual harassment I'd received on Fedi, because it was driving more sexual harassment toward me.

Y'all want women on Fedi? Fight that shit. I can't do it for you.

Deleted my post about the sexual harassment I'd received on Fedi, because it was driving more sexual harassment toward me.

Y'all want women on Fedi? Fight that shit. I can't do it for you.

@travisfw @vkc every man learns how to do the patterns. it's not hard for men to clock it and hold accountable unless they don't want to.

Deleted my post about the sexual harassment I'd received on Fedi, because it was driving more sexual harassment toward me.

Y'all want women on Fedi? Fight that shit. I can't do it for you.

Deleted my post about the sexual harassment I'd received on Fedi, because it was driving more sexual harassment toward me.

Y'all want women on Fedi? Fight that shit. I can't do it for you.

@vkc Moderation is a difficult problem to solve. Whenever I see content that is unwelcome (sexual harassment is at the top of that list), I report it, but not once have I received notice that anything has been done based on those reports.

On top of that, reporting bad actors is reactive and does nothing to undo the harassment that occurred.

Seems like the only approach that works is to loudly and publicly name & shame harassers. But that opens up another can of worms.

Ugh.

@bob
There is something like that afaik
Not sure if it wound up as an app, but women were circulating a blocklist of known gremlins

@RegGuy @vkc

@eq "don't let the idiots get you" - do you see how that puts it on me?

I trust you mean well, but respectfully: no. The correct response is "men should fight back when they see this amongst themselves."

It isn't my responsibility to "not let them get me down." It's men who need to step up and fight this battle.

@vkc Sadly it'S always on you. Or me when I am the target. I am the only person I can change. I can change to become less of a dick to others, yes. But I can not change others to become less of a dick. And even if I manage for every one I change there are 5 new ones popping up.

So the only thing that is left is change my way of interacting with shite.

Is that mansplaining? Perhaps. Is it stating the obvious? Probably. Is it learned the hard way? For sure!

/cc @eq

@vkc And it is for sure why we can't have nice things.

Because there's always a dick around the corner.

@vkc Sadly it'S always on you. Or me when I am the target. I am the only person I can change. I can change to become less of a dick to others, yes. But I can not change others to become less of a dick. And even if I manage for every one I change there are 5 new ones popping up.

So the only thing that is left is change my way of interacting with shite.

Is that mansplaining? Perhaps. Is it stating the obvious? Probably. Is it learned the hard way? For sure!

/cc @eq

@heiglandreas @vkc @eq No. You can intervene and talk to other people just like I'm doing now. You're not the only person you can change. If you were outside on the street with your significant other and I'd call them names, wouldn't you speak up? Do the same for people you don't know.
Society does not work if we deny our power to change things.

@vkc no it is not and quite frankly your response is quite obnoxious. If we can't talk about problems collectively on this shithole platform and only talk about one thing at a time than it becomes loose islands among the rest of the sewage, but fine whatever. Thank you for proving my point about how hostile this place is becoming with all you morons whining, but yet do this type of shit. Anyways, enjoy the block. I generally don't care.

@edgeofeurope You can speak up. And your interaction might even change people. But if they don't *want* to change there is nothing you can do.

I am not talking about intervening! I am talking about *changing* people.

And you won't *change* a bully.

Not being able to change a person does not mean not to intervene when someone behaves shitty! It does not mean to talk to other people. But without *their* willingness to change, it is only an intervention. Not a change.

/cc @vkc @eq

@heiglandreas @vkc @eq People might want to change if they come to understand that their views or behaviour is not accepted by society at large. And that's up to the rest of us, by intervening.

Deleted my post about the sexual harassment I'd received on Fedi, because it was driving more sexual harassment toward me.

Y'all want women on Fedi? Fight that shit. I can't do it for you.