I bet men would be less lonely if they hugged each other once in a while and meant it.
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@alice Almost 20 years ago, I met a guy for the first time in real life after we had already talked online for a few years. The guy is built like Santa Claus. He picked me up like a toddler, hugged me and spun me around a couple of times. We're still close friends.
I've been to (and organized) events where people are generally relatively unafraid of touch and it's amazing. It's not unusual to see people of all genders getting cuddly cozy on a couch while talking or playing D&D.
@alice "Hey, can someone roll my dice for me? I have [barbarian player]'s head on my lap and can't reach the table."
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I bet men would be less lonely if they hugged each other once in a while and meant it.
@alice in my early 30s I was part of a self development/ help group of guys, and one of the core things was that we hugged as a greeting. And I remember that time as one of my most social times and a road to my current happiness
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@StarkRG that explains so much.
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@alice In my late teens I dated this guy for a short while, then we stayed friends. One day he told me that what he missed about dating was having regular physical contact with another human. His parents & older brother had stopped hugging him since he wasn't a young boy anymore, and his circle of friends was all male and of course they didn't hug each other. Dating, to him, had been an oasis of physical affection.
The conversation was eye-opening for both of us.@SapoconchaTradutora @alice yep, this is definitely a thing
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@alice In my late teens I dated this guy for a short while, then we stayed friends. One day he told me that what he missed about dating was having regular physical contact with another human. His parents & older brother had stopped hugging him since he wasn't a young boy anymore, and his circle of friends was all male and of course they didn't hug each other. Dating, to him, had been an oasis of physical affection.
The conversation was eye-opening for both of us.@SapoconchaTradutora
I took that story as a reason to reflect the relationships to my current male friends and we all hug each other. Well, we also paint our fingernails for fun, maybe something went very right with us. I don't know. I do remember one meeting thou. I was tired, we were waiting for someone. I jawed and lean over to my coworker/work wife (that's how his and my wife called us), rest my head on his shoulder and said "Daniel... I'm tired." and he smiled and pat my shoulder. Then we both notice how the entire room was staring at us. And we were both like: "What? Can't I snuggle my wife or what?"
@alice -
@alice In my late teens I dated this guy for a short while, then we stayed friends. One day he told me that what he missed about dating was having regular physical contact with another human. His parents & older brother had stopped hugging him since he wasn't a young boy anymore, and his circle of friends was all male and of course they didn't hug each other. Dating, to him, had been an oasis of physical affection.
The conversation was eye-opening for both of us.@SapoconchaTradutora @alice
This is one of those classic "why men need feminism" monents. -
@SapoconchaTradutora @alice
This is one of those classic "why men need feminism" monents.@Nuki yeah, feminism is for the men too. They need to break out of those toxic masculinity patterns as much as we need them to.
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@SapoconchaTradutora @alice yep, this is definitely a thing
@not_a_label @alice I know it is now, but for 18-year-old me it took some time to wrap my head around the concept. Especially when it came to the parents (who he still lived with!) and the brother: at that point, I hadn't even imagined that not hugging your closest family could be a thing.
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@not_a_label @alice I know it is now, but for 18-year-old me it took some time to wrap my head around the concept. Especially when it came to the parents (who he still lived with!) and the brother: at that point, I hadn't even imagined that not hugging your closest family could be a thing.
@SapoconchaTradutora @alice I can imagine... my father was never a hugger, my younger brother still isn't - only my mother. But then I come from a generation where men just didn't do that sort of thing
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I bet men would be less lonely if they hugged each other once in a while and meant it.
@alice i would crush you
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@alice And then make the coach sticky by pouring sports drink on him. Which, I can only assume, they proceed to lick off him once they get to the locker room. Normal man things.
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@SapoconchaTradutora @alice I can imagine... my father was never a hugger, my younger brother still isn't - only my mother. But then I come from a generation where men just didn't do that sort of thing
@not_a_label @alice I'm sorry your family is like that... It's totally okay to not be a hugger as long as it stems from a personal preference, but denying yourself and others physical affection on the basis of gender expectations alone is heartbreaking.
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@SapoconchaTradutora
I took that story as a reason to reflect the relationships to my current male friends and we all hug each other. Well, we also paint our fingernails for fun, maybe something went very right with us. I don't know. I do remember one meeting thou. I was tired, we were waiting for someone. I jawed and lean over to my coworker/work wife (that's how his and my wife called us), rest my head on his shoulder and said "Daniel... I'm tired." and he smiled and pat my shoulder. Then we both notice how the entire room was staring at us. And we were both like: "What? Can't I snuggle my wife or what?"
@alice@momo @alice Something went definitely right with you and your friends then
I don't want to generalize, I know there are plenty of men (even straight men!) who hug and touch each other affectionately, most of my friends do, but I think that's still far from being the norm. And even then, there's this unspoken set of "acceptable" ways of touching (my partner and I often joke about that "affectionate-aggressive" type of hug where men feel the need to pat each other just a little too hard). -
@Nuki yeah, feminism is for the men too. They need to break out of those toxic masculinity patterns as much as we need them to.
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I bet men would be less lonely if they hugged each other once in a while and meant it.
@alice Hugs are wonderful gifts from family, friends & neighbors of various sexual choices. Dogs included.
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