I bet men would be less lonely if they hugged each other once in a while and meant it.

@alice this would be great and something I’ve tried to have in my current adult life.

But it’s also such a painful loop to be in because most dudes just don’t get hugged in a meaningful way in those formative years. So we don’t know how to spread the love later.

With my child I hug them all the time and I’m always telling them how much I love them.

I hope I can break the cycle.

@alice just the hug alone would do wonders.

@alice I can confirm this to be true. When I was growing up & all the way through my teens I didn't hug other dudes (except maybe if we were really drunk) & I explicitly remember the time in my 20's when I decided to become a hugger & started to feel less lonely.

@alice You're not wrong, and it's something that's normal in my friends circle. But it took until my early 30s for me to realise that, being raised male in this society is a hell of a drug.

That said, we do have a loneliness problem, but I don't think it's male specific.

@alice the power of a quality hug should not be underestimated!

@alice I have to say that here in Sweden hugging between men seems much more common than elsewhere at least amongst the younger half of the population. Not sure about gubbes (old men of a certain grumpy disposition).

@alice Almost 20 years ago, I met a guy for the first time in real life after we had already talked online for a few years. The guy is built like Santa Claus. He picked me up like a toddler, hugged me and spun me around a couple of times. We're still close friends.

I've been to (and organized) events where people are generally relatively unafraid of touch and it's amazing. It's not unusual to see people of all genders getting cuddly cozy on a couch while talking or playing D&D.

@Justwes @alice Can confirm that getting hugged as child does indeed help getting used to hugs and hugging others even as adult

@alice In my late teens I dated this guy for a short while, then we stayed friends. One day he told me that what he missed about dating was having regular physical contact with another human. His parents & older brother had stopped hugging him since he wasn't a young boy anymore, and his circle of friends was all male and of course they didn't hug each other. Dating, to him, had been an oasis of physical affection.
The conversation was eye-opening for both of us.

@alice "Hey, can someone roll my dice for me? I have [barbarian player]'s head on my lap and can't reach the table."

@alice in my early 30s I was part of a self development/ help group of guys, and one of the core things was that we hugged as a greeting. And I remember that time as one of my most social times and a road to my current happiness

@StarkRG @alice we can't lick each other! The sweat from playing ruins the isotonic balance is of the sports drink.
It *HAS* to be the coach

@SapoconchaTradutora @alice yep, this is definitely a thing

@Taco_lad @alice Ahh, I see, that does make sense.

@SapoconchaTradutora
I took that story as a reason to reflect the relationships to my current male friends and we all hug each other. Well, we also paint our fingernails for fun, maybe something went very right with us. I don't know. I do remember one meeting thou. I was tired, we were waiting for someone. I jawed and lean over to my coworker/work wife (that's how his and my wife called us), rest my head on his shoulder and said "Daniel... I'm tired." and he smiled and pat my shoulder. Then we both notice how the entire room was staring at us. And we were both like: "What? Can't I snuggle my wife or what?"
@alice

@SapoconchaTradutora @alice
This is one of those classic "why men need feminism" monents.

@Nuki yeah, feminism is for the men too. They need to break out of those toxic masculinity patterns as much as we need them to.

@SapoconchaTradutora

@not_a_label @alice I know it is now, but for 18-year-old me it took some time to wrap my head around the concept. Especially when it came to the parents (who he still lived with!) and the brother: at that point, I hadn't even imagined that not hugging your closest family could be a thing.

@SapoconchaTradutora @alice I can imagine... my father was never a hugger, my younger brother still isn't - only my mother. But then I come from a generation where men just didn't do that sort of thing

@alice i would crush you