I bet men would be less lonely if they hugged each other once in a while and meant it.

@alice I admit, I weaponize my general social awkwardness for this purpose — I hug men friends and coworkers, and let them chalk it up to "Rick doesn't understand we don't have a hugging relationship". Rick very much understands, thank you.

I have no regrets about this. If they don't want hugs, they can say so, and no harm no foul. (I don't sneak attack hug. I'm very clear when I'm coming in for a hug.)

@aadeacon y'all don't need an excuse. It's okay to just hug (with consent).

@StarkRG @alice

Strong disagree. I hug when meeting good male friends, as there exists a stronger bond than that of a handshake.

@alice

I'm constantly hugging my close male friends, without there being any undertones. It's easy to see when someone would find it awkward. I also air-kiss, left then right then left, my Turkish male friends.

@alice There needs to be more hugging!

@uc @alice It wasn't intended as a real assessment of what is acceptable. It was more of a tongue-in-cheek representation of a common aspect of toxic masculinity, particularly the American flavor.

@alice Agreed! Granted, I'm gay and most of my male friends are some flavor of queer, so we already hug anyway, but it's really nice! Platonic touch is great, more men should try it.

@StarkRG as long as they've got enthusiastic consent, grab away.

@alice@lgbtqia.space my mental health is so much better since I started having platonic cuddle sessions.

@alice And then make the coach sticky by pouring sports drink on him. Which, I can only assume, they proceed to lick off him once they get to the locker room. Normal man things.

@StarkRG that explains so much.

@alice this would be great and something I’ve tried to have in my current adult life.

But it’s also such a painful loop to be in because most dudes just don’t get hugged in a meaningful way in those formative years. So we don’t know how to spread the love later.

With my child I hug them all the time and I’m always telling them how much I love them.

I hope I can break the cycle.

@alice just the hug alone would do wonders.

@alice I can confirm this to be true. When I was growing up & all the way through my teens I didn't hug other dudes (except maybe if we were really drunk) & I explicitly remember the time in my 20's when I decided to become a hugger & started to feel less lonely.

@alice You're not wrong, and it's something that's normal in my friends circle. But it took until my early 30s for me to realise that, being raised male in this society is a hell of a drug.

That said, we do have a loneliness problem, but I don't think it's male specific.

@alice the power of a quality hug should not be underestimated!

@alice I have to say that here in Sweden hugging between men seems much more common than elsewhere at least amongst the younger half of the population. Not sure about gubbes (old men of a certain grumpy disposition).

@alice Almost 20 years ago, I met a guy for the first time in real life after we had already talked online for a few years. The guy is built like Santa Claus. He picked me up like a toddler, hugged me and spun me around a couple of times. We're still close friends.

I've been to (and organized) events where people are generally relatively unafraid of touch and it's amazing. It's not unusual to see people of all genders getting cuddly cozy on a couch while talking or playing D&D.

@Justwes @alice Can confirm that getting hugged as child does indeed help getting used to hugs and hugging others even as adult

@alice In my late teens I dated this guy for a short while, then we stayed friends. One day he told me that what he missed about dating was having regular physical contact with another human. His parents & older brother had stopped hugging him since he wasn't a young boy anymore, and his circle of friends was all male and of course they didn't hug each other. Dating, to him, had been an oasis of physical affection.
The conversation was eye-opening for both of us.