Why do we have such a gender imbalance at #fosdem & in tech in general?
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...and it's not only about the gender, but inclusiveness within conversations in general.
@RosannaSibora yeah, I'm also experiencing that quite often in my bubble. Luckily not from narcissists, but like neurodivergent / autistic people. People who don't mean to be rude but who genuinely have a hard time telling if other people would like to talk, too, or how others feel about the conversation. They need direct feedback.
And the feedback part is still difficult for me then as I have trouble interrupting people, I have a feeling of being rude, disagreeable if interrupting others.
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@RosannaSibora yeah, I'm also experiencing that quite often in my bubble. Luckily not from narcissists, but like neurodivergent / autistic people. People who don't mean to be rude but who genuinely have a hard time telling if other people would like to talk, too, or how others feel about the conversation. They need direct feedback.
And the feedback part is still difficult for me then as I have trouble interrupting people, I have a feeling of being rude, disagreeable if interrupting others.
@RosannaSibora but when I overcome this I think those friends are act. appreciating it, they don't take that badly and are relieved if you tell them clearly, directly, calmly: "I would also like to make a point, can you give me some seconds?" At least the people I know wld.
For me I think maybe the church childhood part might play into my issue of interrupting others. I'm wondering if many woman might hv similar issues bc. society often (wrongly) saying woman in particular wld hv to be quiet?
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@RosannaSibora but when I overcome this I think those friends are act. appreciating it, they don't take that badly and are relieved if you tell them clearly, directly, calmly: "I would also like to make a point, can you give me some seconds?" At least the people I know wld.
For me I think maybe the church childhood part might play into my issue of interrupting others. I'm wondering if many woman might hv similar issues bc. society often (wrongly) saying woman in particular wld hv to be quiet?
@RosannaSibora just some thoughts :-). I'd be curious if you were thinking about like autistic or narcissistic people in particular.
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S svenja@mstdn.games shared this topic
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Why do we have such a gender imbalance at #fosdem & in tech in general?
A real conversation.
Marty: Maria, what do you think about ABC?
Peter: I don't want to speak for Maria, but... (keeps talking for a few minutes).
Anna: Thank you for sharing your perspective, Peter, but I would love to hear Maria's perspective.If you observe someone dominating a discussion and answering questions that aren't directed at them, please be an ally and moderate the conversation in a inclusive way🧡
#dei #deib@RosannaSibora Where was the chair? After "I don't want to speak for Maria" they should have interrupted with "well don't then".
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Yes, agreed - you put it better than I managed
All team members have information, skills, experiences or ideas that would be valuable to share and gather. I want all voices to be heard and encourage a collaborative culture, not a competetive one.
It's way harder than I would like.
@airwhale @RosannaSibora Perhaps these gatherings would benefit from having people trained in facilitation helping out? There are all kinds of techniques for managing group conversations in ways that encourage participation, shut down bad behaviour, etc. It’s a whole field of expertise in itself. (I did a lot of work as a facilitator). There’s a real benefit to having a person who has no stake in the content of the conversation, who can instead focus on the process.
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Why do we have such a gender imbalance at #fosdem & in tech in general?
A real conversation.
Marty: Maria, what do you think about ABC?
Peter: I don't want to speak for Maria, but... (keeps talking for a few minutes).
Anna: Thank you for sharing your perspective, Peter, but I would love to hear Maria's perspective.If you observe someone dominating a discussion and answering questions that aren't directed at them, please be an ally and moderate the conversation in a inclusive way🧡
#dei #deib@RosannaSibora meantimee nixos devroom: "Maria"? What a strange name, do you mean Marjan or Marius maybe?
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@airwhale @RosannaSibora Perhaps these gatherings would benefit from having people trained in facilitation helping out? There are all kinds of techniques for managing group conversations in ways that encourage participation, shut down bad behaviour, etc. It’s a whole field of expertise in itself. (I did a lot of work as a facilitator). There’s a real benefit to having a person who has no stake in the content of the conversation, who can instead focus on the process.
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@RosannaSibora
Thanks for sharing such a valuable skill. What if that person dominating is your leader?@nuwagaba2 very good point! As @jvschrag mentioned, preparing the conversation and having a facilitator helps a lot. Facilitator owns the process. It’s helpful to communicate the rules, roles and responsibilities before the meeting / workshop so that participants are not surprised. Even something as simple as dedicated time-boxing per person can make a difference.
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@RosannaSibora
Thanks for sharing such a valuable skill. What if that person dominating is your leader?@nuwagaba2 In addition to introducing a proper facilitation, you can also ask the manager - in a 1:1 conversation - if they would like to hear your feedback / perspective on a recent meeting. Yes, you might risk being fired in extreme cases. But is it even worth supporting an organization, which cannot handle constructive, 360 degree feedback?
No matter what the role is, I would always share the feedback only if a person is ready to receive it & only in a 1:1. Feedback is a gift
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@nuwagaba2 very good point! As @jvschrag mentioned, preparing the conversation and having a facilitator helps a lot. Facilitator owns the process. It’s helpful to communicate the rules, roles and responsibilities before the meeting / workshop so that participants are not surprised. Even something as simple as dedicated time-boxing per person can make a difference.
@RosannaSibora
You have taught me sometimes great i didn't know about. Am so glad to interact with you because it has enabled me learn how to handle meetings within my community based organisation. Can i share with you some details about my organisation? -
@nuwagaba2 In addition to introducing a proper facilitation, you can also ask the manager - in a 1:1 conversation - if they would like to hear your feedback / perspective on a recent meeting. Yes, you might risk being fired in extreme cases. But is it even worth supporting an organization, which cannot handle constructive, 360 degree feedback?
No matter what the role is, I would always share the feedback only if a person is ready to receive it & only in a 1:1. Feedback is a gift
@RosannaSibora
That's right. People always want to feel valuable and respected . Sharing your feedback in 1:1 conversation shows the manager that you respect him/her . But otherwise, if you confront him before his subjects , he might misunderstand your correction as disrespect. Thanks so much for such a valuable lesson. -
Why do we have such a gender imbalance at #fosdem & in tech in general?
A real conversation.
Marty: Maria, what do you think about ABC?
Peter: I don't want to speak for Maria, but... (keeps talking for a few minutes).
Anna: Thank you for sharing your perspective, Peter, but I would love to hear Maria's perspective.If you observe someone dominating a discussion and answering questions that aren't directed at them, please be an ally and moderate the conversation in a inclusive way🧡
#dei #deib@RosannaSibora "Hey zornem, I just joined the company and have never met you but btw I am more technical than you."
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Why do we have such a gender imbalance at #fosdem & in tech in general?
A real conversation.
Marty: Maria, what do you think about ABC?
Peter: I don't want to speak for Maria, but... (keeps talking for a few minutes).
Anna: Thank you for sharing your perspective, Peter, but I would love to hear Maria's perspective.If you observe someone dominating a discussion and answering questions that aren't directed at them, please be an ally and moderate the conversation in a inclusive way🧡
#dei #deib@RosannaSibora I’ve found that a direct approach can work too, in a familiar group: “Wait a minute. [smiling] Peter, you just said you don’t want to speak for Maria and then for several minutes you did just that.” Everybody laughs, Peter is slightly embarrassed, somewhat sheepishly apologizes, and we all learn from it. We move on and listen to Maria.
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Why do we have such a gender imbalance at #fosdem & in tech in general?
A real conversation.
Marty: Maria, what do you think about ABC?
Peter: I don't want to speak for Maria, but... (keeps talking for a few minutes).
Anna: Thank you for sharing your perspective, Peter, but I would love to hear Maria's perspective.If you observe someone dominating a discussion and answering questions that aren't directed at them, please be an ally and moderate the conversation in a inclusive way🧡
#dei #deib@RosannaSibora And to address gender diversity, I believe we need to constantly work and spread awareness: from how to talk to children, which role-models we hold up, their toys, how we promote STEM in schools, where we look to hire, our workplace dynamics, ensure fair compensation, and so many other things. Many leading developers in the early days of computer science were women, and we don’t talk about that enough.
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@RosannaSibora I’ve found that a direct approach can work too, in a familiar group: “Wait a minute. [smiling] Peter, you just said you don’t want to speak for Maria and then for several minutes you did just that.” Everybody laughs, Peter is slightly embarrassed, somewhat sheepishly apologizes, and we all learn from it. We move on and listen to Maria.
@mikesax Thanks for sharing your perspective, Mike. Personally I prefer to share feedback 1:1. Even if a person made a mistake, they still deserve a safe space for feedback and reflection. In my opinion sharing feedback in a group and creating feeling of embarrassment does not support psychological safety within the group.
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@mikesax Thanks for sharing your perspective, Mike. Personally I prefer to share feedback 1:1. Even if a person made a mistake, they still deserve a safe space for feedback and reflection. In my opinion sharing feedback in a group and creating feeling of embarrassment does not support psychological safety within the group.
@RosannaSibora Yes, I fully agree. Although when someone publicly belittles, I think it’s more important to make it clear to the group that this is not okay. And thanks for pointing that out because yes, there may be other ways to accomplish that.
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@RosannaSibora yeah, I'm also experiencing that quite often in my bubble. Luckily not from narcissists, but like neurodivergent / autistic people. People who don't mean to be rude but who genuinely have a hard time telling if other people would like to talk, too, or how others feel about the conversation. They need direct feedback.
And the feedback part is still difficult for me then as I have trouble interrupting people, I have a feeling of being rude, disagreeable if interrupting others.
@T_X thank you for sharing this excellent example. Diversity has so many shades. Your scenario presents it so well.
I totally understand that interrupting others may feel uncomfortable. This is why facilitation methods, preparation before the meeting/workshop and certain rules, which were communicated beforehand to everyone may be very helpful. Even something as simple as a time-timer could work well. It’s not you interrupting others, but a time-timer when the time it up.
