@RYStorm this alt text is just.... not it at all, and you must be fully aware of that.

2.27€ (all the money I have now)/400€ for expenses for 30 days.

I'm in an extremely dire situation right now, and my life is at at all time low, and I unfortunately need to ask for help. please boost this post if you see it. please.

to start, for context, I'm from Portugal, but not from the mainland. I'm from the Azores, I live in 1 out of 9 islands in this tourist attraction hellhole in the middle of the Atlantic ocean.

I lived for 3-4 months on mainland Portugal, and they were the happiest times of my entire life. but then I got broken up with through text messages, my best friend, the only person I had that supported me 100% for almost 6 years, disappeared from my life, and I had to move back to my mom's house, after not living with parents for over 8 years of my life.

my mom is extremely mentally abusive to me. I don't want to go into further details because it's very traumatic to even think about it for me. it's like she's 2 different people. you can check the post this is a reply to for more stuff on how she makes me feel.

I'm unemployed, I've basically always been. all the jobs I tried (3 of them) I had to quit, because it fills me with a terror, a dread, a terrible feeling I can't even explain. I'm constantly extremely afraid of getting scolded for any mistake I might make, and then not be able to stop myself from breaking down crying.

I turned 29 years old not even a month ago, and I can't work. I still didn't start HRT because bureaucracy and bs. I live in a place full of extremely close minded people. I feel miserable. I need to buy and make my own food a lot of the time, and I can't even freaking do it.

my only income is through Prolific, which is an extremely unstable way of getting an income. (I can get lucky and get 100€ in one month, but I can also get under 5€ in one month)

on top of all that, I suffer a lot from a lot of depression and anxiety every single day, to a point where I cannot bring myself to do something that should be simple, like having a normal sleep schedule, or being able to shower when I should, etc.

those are the only things I have diagnosed and take medication for. I heavily suspect that I have some form of ADHD, and I'm certainly above the average on the autism spectrum, but all my tries to get any diagnosis of that were met with replies like my psychiatrist instantly looking up at me, and saying "you don't have autism for sure, and I really think ADHD is very very unlikely for you".

I'm asking for any donation you can make whatsoever, as even something like 5€ make a huge difference in my life, and is the difference from being able to buy something to eat in a day I'd really need it, or not.

my ultimate goal is to save up money to get the hell out of here. or at least enough to have my own apartment or something, but even here, the housing crisis is awful. and the problem with trying to save money is that I can never end up saving anything in the long run... I NEVER SPEND MONEY ON UNNECESSARY STUFF, and I always end up running out of money completely and having to go into any savings I try to have.

if I had at least ~400€ a month (way less than minimum wage) I'd be able to live way more comfortably, and probably be able to save some money, so that's my goal for now. every month I need to spend around 100€ on medication, 200€, but probably more, on food alone, 5€ for phone provider, and probably way more than 100€ on other groceries and stuff I need to buy sometimes. I even have to buy stuff like my own water, or milk, or clothes detergent for me to be able to wash my own clothes separately, because of how abusive my mom can be and use everything she does for you against you.

again, if you want more details of how bad my situation is, you can check the post this is a reply to.

PayPal is unfortunately the only online thing I can receive money through, but if you prefer, I can share my IBAN on DMs for a bank transfer.
https://paypal.me/justyellow7

thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart, for even reading and/or boosting this post, if that's all you can do.

@FediAid @MutualAidNet @mutualaid@fedigroups.social @mutualaid@ovo.st

#MutualAid #MutualAidRequest #UrgentMutualAid #TransMutualAid #TransCrowdfund #QueerMutualAid #QueerCrowdfund #LGBTQ #LGBTQIA #DisabledCrowdfund #DisabledMutualAid #Depression #Anxiety #Neurodivergent #Poverty #Help #Boost #BoostPls #PleaseBoost #BoostOK #DisabilityMutualAid #DisabilityCrowdfund #HelpFolksLive2025 #HelpFolksLive2026

please see/boost this: https://twoot.site/@yellow/115942349498909429
instead of of this post.

if you're a follower, sorry that I keep doing this, but it's one of the only ways I have of letting my feelings out. I'm just.... lost.

why do I have to be doomed to live with my mom... she knows exactly how to degrade me mentally and deeply affect me, and she uses it against me whenever she wants, whenever it's convenient...
she keeps insulting me and trying to hurt my feelings.

I cannot trust her anymore.

I cannot trust my own mom.
the person responsible for bringing me into this forsaken world doesn't want the responsibility of having to help me and be a good parent to their children.

all she knows to do is to martyrise herself. she "always did everything she could.". she "always did her best.".

lies. all lies.
and deep down she knows it. but her ego is too massive to even get that bit deep with her own emotions and face them.

I cannot keep living here, but I have literally no other option. I don't feel mentally capable of working a normal job, at all. what am I supposed to do with my life anymore?
what has my life come to? how did I end up like this? I turned 29 almost not even a week ago, and my life has been rewound back to the same way it was 5 years ago. all the years spent building a relationship, a future, everything is just gone. everything I depended on to be able to live minimally happy. gone. in a couple of text messages.

I'm so tired of giving 200% of the effort I can muster, EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
just to make a little bit of progress and achieve something tiny in my life, like finally brushing my teeth after a week, or actually not forgetting to take my meds on time, or even the simple fact THAT I'M STILL MANAGING TO STAY ALIVE AND NOT END IT ALL, despite all the suffering I endure every single day. all of those things and basically EVERYTHING in my life is EXTREMELY difficult for me to do. just for basically everyone actually in my life in any matter (my family, and one friend, that's all my social interaction irl) to think that I'm simply lazy, or that I just don't want to work, etc., or like everyone in my family says now, that I need to be fucking HOSPITALIZED? because I'm deeply depressed??

what I need is to simply be happy. minimally happy. I need support. I need help. I will never be happy while living here.

the 3 months I lived in mainland Portugal were the best months of my life. I can't remember being any happier than that, I don't think I ever was.

and now I'm stuck on these fucking islands again.

no accessibility to anything at all in the slightest. I can't go anywhere or do anything without a car, which I can't afford to get. I rely on my freaking 75 YEAR OLD GRANDPA to drive me to the supermarket and to the pharmacy when I need it.

and when I can muster enough strength, enough force of will to be alive, and I overcome ONE step of being closer to being better......
....life ALWAYS just comes and punches me in the face, kicks me in the gut, and sets me back more than TEN steps.

it's a vicious cycle. and I can't seem to break out of it.

I need help. I don't know what to do anymore.

I don't know how long I can endure living like this. I can't do this anymore. I'm so tired. some days ago I woke up and instantly started crying because I realized... "I have to go through all of this.... one more day... again..." and I really broke down crying.

I'm so desperate... why does the world have to be like this??? why would fucking money solve all of my problems???? why is it always about fucking money..... the entire world.... all of our lives.... are dictated by money....
and I can't fucking earn almost any at all for myself monthly.

would it be realistic/correct to try to get mutual aid or start a crowdfunding campaign, or anything of the sort, just so I could MAYBE, just maybe, start saving some money? I don't know, I'm lost. I don't know what to do anymore.

what the hell am I supposed to do with a life like this? I'm reaching a breaking point, I can't withstand this anymore.

can someone please help me? guide me? anything? I'm feeling so lost....

#MutualAid #help #Trans #TransMutualAid #Crowdfund #