I just had a thought...
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I just had a thought...
"High functioning" or "low support needs" neurodivergent people, are broken.
Not in the sense of a broken toy, or tool. But, in the sense of a broken horse.
We have been broken by a society that we don't fit into. Those of us who have developed coping strategies, like masking, rehearsing, etc have done that in response to a a whip.
The world around us punishes us for our differences, and demands that we conform. So, some of us do.
I let them win. They broke me.
Just, looking at my 14 year old and comparing his experience to mine...
He is autistic, and does not have ADHD. I have both.
He had significant developmental delays, I did not.
He doesn't mask. I do, heavily. ently
He is frequently labeled as "severely autistic" or "high support needs" etc, and I'm labeled as "high functioning"...
These labels are bullshit. He is an authentic and honest person, and I've been forced to change in order to fit in. To pass. To hide. To not be seen as different.
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Just, looking at my 14 year old and comparing his experience to mine...
He is autistic, and does not have ADHD. I have both.
He had significant developmental delays, I did not.
He doesn't mask. I do, heavily. ently
He is frequently labeled as "severely autistic" or "high support needs" etc, and I'm labeled as "high functioning"...
These labels are bullshit. He is an authentic and honest person, and I've been forced to change in order to fit in. To pass. To hide. To not be seen as different.
He does not deserve to be seen as less, or worse. I do not deserve to be seen as better.
The ruler that we are measured against is a fucking bullshit idealized view of a "normal" person.
I don't want to be a normal person. I don't want to appear to be a normal person. I just want to be accepted as the extremely unnormal person that I am, and feel that I can't be so I mask.
He wants to be accepted too, but he either isn't able to isn't willing to bend for it. I accept him, and aspire to that.
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@minego
This is such a good way of putting it. Many of us have spent so long adapting ourselves to fit into the world, learning to mask and become something else, in order to function and exist. That the wild and free us, is all but a distant memory.@pathfinder Plus, just like horses being broken, we didn't understand it when it was happening.
We were scared, and we made changes to protect ourselves. We went much too far with some of them, because it wasn't planned or thought out. It was a reaction...
Now, we can try to find some of that wild version of ourselves. 🫂
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He does not deserve to be seen as less, or worse. I do not deserve to be seen as better.
The ruler that we are measured against is a fucking bullshit idealized view of a "normal" person.
I don't want to be a normal person. I don't want to appear to be a normal person. I just want to be accepted as the extremely unnormal person that I am, and feel that I can't be so I mask.
He wants to be accepted too, but he either isn't able to isn't willing to bend for it. I accept him, and aspire to that.
@minego "high functioning" and "low support needs" grate on me more and more as time passes and I get to sit with them and their implications.
Where society uses "low functioning" and "high support needs" to imply "lesser/worse subhuman", their opposites are still subtly insidious.
"high functioning" means society has determined that it doesn't need to meet you where you are. You won't get help. You are a "better/useful subhuman".
(We are not subhumans, we just live in a cruel society)
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@pathfinder Plus, just like horses being broken, we didn't understand it when it was happening.
We were scared, and we made changes to protect ourselves. We went much too far with some of them, because it wasn't planned or thought out. It was a reaction...
Now, we can try to find some of that wild version of ourselves. 🫂
@minego
Definitely! -
@minego "high functioning" and "low support needs" grate on me more and more as time passes and I get to sit with them and their implications.
Where society uses "low functioning" and "high support needs" to imply "lesser/worse subhuman", their opposites are still subtly insidious.
"high functioning" means society has determined that it doesn't need to meet you where you are. You won't get help. You are a "better/useful subhuman".
(We are not subhumans, we just live in a cruel society)
@minego I'm definitely still processing this. And I don't know that I ever really will.
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@minego I have lots of thoughts about this brokenness. As survivor of a different kind of abuse, I have decades of learning to put the broken pieces back together. If you ever have any questions, I’m willing to share my experiences.
Be gentle with yourself, especially today.
@MiriShuli It is such an interesting and complex thing. Just, trying to unravel and understand the things that made us the version of us that exists right now...
On the one hand, I'm proud of what I've accomplished. I have survived, and even thrived in a world that I'm not naturally equipped for. Not only that, but I've passed as "normal" for most of that time.
But, I want to know the me that doesn't exist now. The version that didn't have to.
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@minego "high functioning" and "low support needs" grate on me more and more as time passes and I get to sit with them and their implications.
Where society uses "low functioning" and "high support needs" to imply "lesser/worse subhuman", their opposites are still subtly insidious.
"high functioning" means society has determined that it doesn't need to meet you where you are. You won't get help. You are a "better/useful subhuman".
(We are not subhumans, we just live in a cruel society)
I think this speaks to neurotypical, and also, capitalist society tending to value people based on their productivity.
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@minego "high functioning" and "low support needs" grate on me more and more as time passes and I get to sit with them and their implications.
Where society uses "low functioning" and "high support needs" to imply "lesser/worse subhuman", their opposites are still subtly insidious.
"high functioning" means society has determined that it doesn't need to meet you where you are. You won't get help. You are a "better/useful subhuman".
(We are not subhumans, we just live in a cruel society)
@overeducatedredneck As with so many things, these terms are all focused on how we appear from the outside.
The language used is all from the view point of a care giver. They talk about us, not to us. Our feelings and our perspective isn't relevant...
It is so ingrained that many of us (myself included) use the same language because we want to be understood and we know they don't understand our way of seeing ourselves.
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I think this speaks to neurotypical, and also, capitalist society tending to value people based on their productivity.
@RobotDiver
@overeducatedredneck Very much so!We are labeled based on how much we can be exploited or how much we will cost them.
Our society doesn't need to be this way. We are a post scarcity society. We can choose to change this and simply let people be, and provide for everyone.
No one should have to earn their right to exist and be happy and safe and accepted. Those should all be considered basic human rights.
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@pathfinder Plus, just like horses being broken, we didn't understand it when it was happening.
We were scared, and we made changes to protect ourselves. We went much too far with some of them, because it wasn't planned or thought out. It was a reaction...
Now, we can try to find some of that wild version of ourselves. 🫂
@minego Yeah I totally get this. When I inquire with my son about situations, never will words like “couldn’t you just…” pass my lips. I want to know what he’s experiencing and find a way for him to either better experience it in a way they works for him OR we close that chapter and move on.
Example: he really enjoyed taekwondo. He was having trouble with the yelling, large groups, and focus on social aspects. He finally asked to stop and clearly articulated why.
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@minego Yeah I totally get this. When I inquire with my son about situations, never will words like “couldn’t you just…” pass my lips. I want to know what he’s experiencing and find a way for him to either better experience it in a way they works for him OR we close that chapter and move on.
Example: he really enjoyed taekwondo. He was having trouble with the yelling, large groups, and focus on social aspects. He finally asked to stop and clearly articulated why.
@btaroli That is the right approach. I wish I had figured that out earlier, because I didn't understand this when my kids were young.
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I just had a thought...
"High functioning" or "low support needs" neurodivergent people, are broken.
Not in the sense of a broken toy, or tool. But, in the sense of a broken horse.
We have been broken by a society that we don't fit into. Those of us who have developed coping strategies, like masking, rehearsing, etc have done that in response to a a whip.
The world around us punishes us for our differences, and demands that we conform. So, some of us do.
I let them win. They broke me.
@minego yes. I would like to claim "high functioning" as a common painful story.
But it probably will never be commonly received that way by most. Instead they would think, from an allistic, good for him, or he'll be fine then, or from an Autistic, he thinks he's better than me, or he's got it good. -
@minego yes. I would like to claim "high functioning" as a common painful story.
But it probably will never be commonly received that way by most. Instead they would think, from an allistic, good for him, or he'll be fine then, or from an Autistic, he thinks he's better than me, or he's got it good.@travisfw Yup...
Because we use language created by others.
High functioning means the person has a job, and can help their employer make money.
High support needs means a person is going to take resources and money.
We are described based on our value or cost to allistic society. It is so ingrained that most of us have internalized it.
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@MiriShuli It is such an interesting and complex thing. Just, trying to unravel and understand the things that made us the version of us that exists right now...
On the one hand, I'm proud of what I've accomplished. I have survived, and even thrived in a world that I'm not naturally equipped for. Not only that, but I've passed as "normal" for most of that time.
But, I want to know the me that doesn't exist now. The version that didn't have to.
@minego Oh! I know that ache. In some ways it’s an impossible task, but it’s worth trying anyway. And you will absolutely love the you you are becoming. Absolutely. Enjoy every moment discovering yourself.
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@minego Oh! I know that ache. In some ways it’s an impossible task, but it’s worth trying anyway. And you will absolutely love the you you are becoming. Absolutely. Enjoy every moment discovering yourself.
@MiriShuli I have been, and I'm scared and excited about continuing the process. It is scary. I don't know how to prepare, and I've had moments that felt like the damage was so very raw...
But, it is worth it.
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