My lovelies, I want to hear the wonderful stories of how your name came to you.
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@Willow I had been reading about Amelia Earhart in the weeks leading up to coming out to myself as trans. I accepted myself as a woman on July 1st, 2023 (thanks to @Impossible_PhD ‘s wonderful blog) and chose Amelia the next day. Somehow I didn’t put two and two together at the time that July 2nd was the anniversary of her disappearance (despite obviously having read it at the time).
Anyway, she’s so incredibly awesome.
“The most difficult thing is the decision to act. The rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life and the procedure. The process is its own reward.”
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@Willow My first name was given, at first. It always resonated and felt like me, especially when I learned it might be suitable for either gender.
I only took it recently, though—realizing I might be able to make it mine, and shape it into something more than who I was before.
My last name isn't one I'm attached to. I opted not to take my wife's, which is arguably better, but I haven't decided on a more fitting one just yet. For now, a placeholder, and a sullen reminder of the generational trauma I'm working to cast off.
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Three stories I will tell, should you listen. Three stories I will tell, but only one name.
My display name here hearkens back to wanting solitude and rest from the world. 'Twas a day when I was unwell and down with a fever, and wanted to escape the pains of the world for a moment or several. So I rolled a fresh alt on WoW, hiding from the eyes of the guild. Casting about for a name, and unhappy with the state of self, my mind found its way to a vengeance demon, and from there to a diminutive version of her name. As I travelled the plains of Durotar and beyond, I grew increasingly fond of the self-sufficiency and daring of my character, and I found myself spending more and more time with her. Her. It was always a her, in rpgs. There were no signs. She and I grew together, her embodying many of the traits I wished for myself. Her story turned epic, many adventures were had, and many a fond memory created. As the online gaming turned into real-life gatherings with the guild, I entered a space where I was simply known as Anyia. It was more efficient to refer to each other by main character names regardless of gender match, or so we said. So Anyia I became, not just in-game, but out of game as well. It was a name I happily accepted, being a representation of an aspirational version of myself. I nearly took at is my middle name when I did my paperwork transition.
Nearly, but not in the end. But before I tell the tale of why, I shall touch upon the actual first name I settled upon. This story, much more mundane than the previous, is one girt by practicality as much as resonance. I knew I wanted to keep my initials, for some measure of continuity and ease of changing all manner of accounts over. Having not had the flash-of-insight that several trans people have written about, I went about finding a good name the brute force way. I sifted through name databases sections for my initial, pulling out potential options, feeling them out, checking their historical meaning, rejecting a lot of them for their religious associations. There were some I quite liked and would've adopted, if not for their deital connotations. In the end, the field was narrowed down to a single entry, and entry with nature associations and of groundedness. This name I took for myself, not because it matched what I felt, but for it matching what I wanted to feel. A feminine name, but one which
implies strength, endurance, grace and composure.Thus the first name was settled. The middle name, of which I wanted a single one, down from my prior three, to make my life easier in this country where assumptions of naming structure are strong and limiting. And for this name, Anyia was the top contender for a long time. However, I felt conflicted. It felt like a doubling up of the meaning and feeling and intent of my first name. With Anyia the WoW character being the embodiment of those same things (save grace 🤭), the name felt... redundant. In this limbo I stayed for some time, until one night when a new part of me arose. I quote from my diary:
"But to return to the other night, the name that I softly spoke to myself in my dream was one with very different emotional attachment. A name which I loved the moment I heard it though could not say why, and which then evolved to include that raw attachment of a childhood friend who stands by you through thick and thin. A name, spoken softly, which is at once softness, fire and wildness. A name, spoken softly. [... <firstname> <middlename>], now that caresses the speaking tongue and listening ear. [...] It wraps the solidity of my first name with a flowering vine, complementing, making whole. I will hold on to this name for now. It feels like it may be me."
That name I took for myself. It was a name I'd only heard spoken in a game a long time ago, and for all I know I may be the only person with it as an official name. But it feels like me, or rather, one of my aspects. It is the name I am the fondest of and treasure the most, only reluctantly giving it out on forms. It's for *me*.
These tales three, are those of me.
@anyia All of the names I know for you fit you so well.
️@Willow@chaosfem.tw -
@anyia All of the names I know for you fit you so well.
️@Willow@chaosfem.tw@internet_ryan Thank you!
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@Willow back in the dark ages, a bunch of my friends were in the Society for Creative Anachronism, and they managed to drag me in a little bit (it wasn't hard). When you go to a SCA event, you're usually in period character - it's basically a huge LARP in all but name. So I needed a character, and that character needed a name. Given my hair and general look and interests, Scottish or Irish was obvious, so I went into the depths of the college library and dug out a book of old Celtic names. Somewhere in there I found "Rowan" which it told me meant "little red one" or something like that, and I figured that would fit. That it was also a tree crossed my mind, and I kinda liked that, too, but of course I've never seen a rowan tree. I started using it at SCA, and also as a character in a group story we were writing on the BBS at the time. It fit me, quite well, and much better than the super annoyingly common name that I'd been given by my parents. Everyone started calling me that all the time, and by the time I left college, my given name was all but forgotten.
Turns out that it's an equally good name for many genders, and nearly 30 years later when I figured out a few things about my gender, my name was one thing that was still well and truly mine.
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@Willow hello, mine is quite simple.
There was a character on a Brazilian soup opera of the 90's that was a model of femininity to be.
I dreamt about this name after that and I think it suits me well 🥰 -
@Willow I wanted a name which was just as boring and common as my deadname. No soulsearching, no revelations, just picked the first one that came to mind.
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@Willow A long time ago, I remember seeing an anime with a character named "Lieselotte"; I didn't much care for the character, or the "lotte", but the "Liese" earwormed into my brain and stayed there until my egg cracked.
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@Willow
Gwendolyn: I wanted to stick within my heritage, and I wanted to keep the G (my deadname also began with one).
Danielle: I wanted to honor one of my trans forebears, so I named myself for Danielle Bunten-Berry, a pioneer in multiplayer video gaming.
Young: My chosen family's name. -
@Willow I chose the username "killerbee13" when I was (as you might expect) 13 years old, based on an old childhood nickname. Though my more common childhood nickname was "Bug" fwiw (for no other reason than that I liked bugs). Eventually, years later, like when I was about 20-21, some of my friends (including my erstwhile partner) whom I'd met online started calling me Bee instead of kb (which is how I'd generally abbreviated my username) and I realized I liked the sound of it and it just kind of ended up becoming my name, separately from just being my username. Or at least, it became one of my names. I've kept my birth name too, because I like it. Maybe I'll have a third eventually, who knows. I might even actually pick it myself, though tbh I kinda doubt it.
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@Willow my name came about after divorce, not because of gender identity, but because I didn't want a surname granted by patriarchy. As a grown human I didn't want to be associated as the property of my father or my ex. I liked the initial of L because JL makes two opposing squares and my middle name was Lynn. But Lynn felt boring... Until I researched the etymology of Lynn, which means Lake in old English. I remember reading that and it just clicked. I am a body of water, a place of home. I changed my name on the socials 13 years ago and I experience euphoria every time someone calls me Ms Lake.
Then, when I moved to Thailand my friends gave me the nickname Lek and explained that Lek with an upward tone means Small, which is appropriate as I'm 148 cm tall. But, after two years here I realized that the upward tone in Lek เล็ก didn't *feel* exactly right. I was speaking my name as I had spoken it in English, Lake, Lake, Lake; I realized I was speaking my name with a low tone. Lek with a low tone means Steel in Thai. Yes, this is the way. Thailand is the fire that I'm forging myself within. เหล็ก
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@Willow childhood memory of someone I met at summer camp
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@Willow years ago we looked into names to use and had a hard time with it. one name kinda stuck with us though. we liked the meaning and it could be interpreted as somewhat gender neutral, being masculine in the original language, but more often read as feminine in current English. we still wanted another name and that one came to us in a dream where we used it along with the one that was floating in our head.
for a while we used those two names together. eventually though the former (that we picked as our second name) started to grate on us. we didn't like the ambiguity anymore and we had to realize that bring ambiguous and feminine leaning didn't really extend to German, the language we spoke with family and that we were immersed in. our father really drove this home. he made a point of specifically calling us this name to keep pretending we're his son. eventually it was enough. we decided we'll use the original feminine form of the name instead.
we ended up not using our old first name that came to us in a dream anymore eventually due to plurality reasons, but the second stuck: Alexia. -
@Willow years ago we looked into names to use and had a hard time with it. one name kinda stuck with us though. we liked the meaning and it could be interpreted as somewhat gender neutral, being masculine in the original language, but more often read as feminine in current English. we still wanted another name and that one came to us in a dream where we used it along with the one that was floating in our head.
for a while we used those two names together. eventually though the former (that we picked as our second name) started to grate on us. we didn't like the ambiguity anymore and we had to realize that bring ambiguous and feminine leaning didn't really extend to German, the language we spoke with family and that we were immersed in. our father really drove this home. he made a point of specifically calling us this name to keep pretending we're his son. eventually it was enough. we decided we'll use the original feminine form of the name instead.
we ended up not using our old first name that came to us in a dream anymore eventually due to plurality reasons, but the second stuck: Alexia.@Willow sometimes we think we should have kept both names cause plurality is a fuck as far as identifying with names goes anyway. but people were also even worse with saying it correctly.
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@Willow I scrolled past the list of names of a crowded trans discord server for inspiration, and amy seemed nice
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@Willow I don't have a story. I just always liked the name and chose it for myself almost 25 years ago, when I was 14 or so.
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I tried out a few names including going by my middle name but nothing stuck
I liked the name Olivia with its ending 'ah' ending but wanted something shorter. I then remembered Eliza Doolittle from my favourite musical and the chat bot ELIZA and it felt right
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My name story goes like this.
In the dark of a spring night, I met myself for the very first time. I slept, exhausted.
With the dawn, I sought a guide. She nursed me, stunned, through my first day as myself. As night came, she asked me, gently, if I knew my name. I did not. I slept, wrapped in my acceptance of my femininity.
As I woke, my name was with me. She hid inside me through the morning, until I spoke her aloud while sitting beside my partner amidst a swirl of petals falling from the cherry blossoms.
That is how I met my name, “Willow.”
@Willow I think I always knew my name deep down even if it was hidden from me for most of my life. When I thought about what my name would be, I just knew it was Ciara, it just felt right
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@Willow It was pretty simple for me. I wanted a name that a native French speaker could have while not sounding totally awful in English. (I also wanted a name that had a common/easy diminutive but that dropped real fast) Charlotte stuck out pretty fast as my only possibility as all the other options I was thinking about had someone close to me already named like that and I didn't want to "share" a name. I tried it out for like a month and the first time I had someone call me Charlotte orally, I had so much euphoria that I knew it was the one. One nice thing that I realized after the fact, is that I took the name of my late grandmother from my father side, the only one I didn't really have the chance to know.
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@Willow When my egg finally cracked a voice in my head told me my name was Nicole 🥰
